Forever in our hearts.

On the 3rd of June our second Angel was born sliently.
We are completely broken.
When we are in a "better" place we will post some more information as at the time being it is to hard to talk about.
Charlie and Edward will forever be playing in the stars together.
Forever loved. Forever missed. Forever in our hearts.

When it rains it pours.

We don't really have a update on baby. I've been doing loads of research and thinks really aren't looking good.
Iam so scared. I just don't understand why this is happening to us again. I feel like we are being punished.
All I ever wanted is to have a large family (4or more children) and that is being ripped way from us.
Soon I'll have 4 children but half in the stars.
This is so unfair.
I just don't know what to do.
I can't believe it's so close to Charlie's birthday! As if his birthday isn't that d ebough

I really hoped this post would never be needed

Yesterday after waiting 3 weeks for genetic results we found out we are going to lose another little boy.
We are currently 15 weeks and not sure what to do.
We. Are struggling really badly. Charlies first Angel birthday next week and being told this baby is very ill is killing us.

I will never forget you.

It's coming up to a year now. I don't cry every day but I hurt every day. My heart hurts everyday without you.
I might not talk about you everyday because well because I can not cope with the looks I get. The tutting I get. The people changing the subject from you. It hurts. So I try and limit the pain.
I wish this world would aspect that I need to talk about you. That I need to talk about you to everyone.
That you are part of me and I need to tell everyone how much I miss you and how much I love you.
I guess people think I have forgotten you or don't need to talk about you because I can't deal with the way people are if I do talk about you. But that's not true.
I would be so happy and grateful if someone just asked about him. If someone sent me a card with his name in. If someone would just show me it's not just me who remembers.
I feel like I have to remember in silent and it hurts.

when i call to you, can you hear me?

It's been a while. Life is so hard and it  so hard to write my feelings but I need to get this off my chest.

I said your name to the clouds again today, like I do every day. Like I will forever.  Can you hear me? Would you answer me if you could.I wish I could see you. I wish I could hold you.
Would you be walking like your brothers could at the age your meant to be? Would you be a milk monster like the brothers?
What would you be like? .
Why did this have to happen

Why to you? Why to us
We miss you so much
It hurts to breath
How can you drown in air because it feels like I am drowning every day .
Every day I wish I wouldn't wake everyday I wake to the hell that is my life without you

New year. New start??

I mad ethics picture last night as I have loads of texts etc saying happy New year. New year New start etc
I couldn't bare texting people back so made this to show people that it's not that easy for me.
Feel free to share but please link my blog xxx

we have have big news

Hello. I Know I haven't been round
 much but that's going to change.
On Christmas day my other half asked me to marry him and I said yes. So to kid of take my mind if the grieve I've gone into wedding planning mode.
I am going to hand crochet my own dress so will pop a few posts about that one here.
 My ring

My grieve is still as bad as ever I am just trying to keep busy and hope it Helps