It's nearly Christmas

Christmas time is fast approaching. It won't surprise you that I am not looking forward to it. If I could I would cancel it, I don't want it with our my babies. I wish I could just have my Angel on my arms this year.
I've been robbed of my family Christmas because part of my family has gone forever.
I had dreams of wrapping my Charlie on my chest for,Xmas dinner. Giving him small prezzies and watching his big brothers cuddle him around the tree. Instead I am having to think of ways to honor his short life on my womb. To remember him by. Something we can do every year.
My mind is a blank on what to do. I shouldn't be thinking about this.
I shouldn't have to feel like this.
This shouldn't happen to anyone.

How are we meant to celebrate when my heart is so broken?
All I know is I have I put a brave face on when all I want is to cry. I never want to stop crying. 

If anyone has any ideas on what we can do to honor our babies this year please comment As honestly I really need some ideas.

💚💙❤