Why

I had to give birth to my baby who was silent. I had to do that knowing he would never wake up. Knowing for the rest of my life I would be missing a huge part of my soul.
I spend the time after his birth with him praying he would wake up and they would save him. I spent the weeks till i got his ashes back praying I would have a phone call say It was all a mistake and my baby woke up and was in scbu and would be ok.
For the rest of my life I Will wish I could be with him instead of here without him.
I miss my son so much. I spend every second of my life missing him and wishing I could have him back.

I will spend forever in pain. I will spend forever with tear stained cheeks.
I will spend forever with my soul screaming why. Why can't I have my baby with me. Why does he have to be dead. Why, why why.
Everything hurts so bad. My insides are screaming in pain all the time.