So its been Four months one week and five days since you were born sleeping and our world came crashing down, if feels like forever ago that I got to hold you in my arms.
I feel so broken, crashed into tiny pieces.
Since we lost you Charlie we have had two miscarriages. We aren't sure what to do any more.
All we ever wanted was a large family and I feel like being who I am and how I am made up I have let everyone down.
Our 2 year old keeps asking for a baby an asking for Charlie. What do you say to someone so young why you can't give them what they want!
Things aren't getting easier like I thought it would. Most of the time I feel like I cant breath like something heavy is on my chest and someone keeps pushing it down at the worst times!
I had a panic attack the other day over something most people don't ever bat a eyelid over. I never used to pay attention to it before. I can't bring myself to say what it was at its really hard for me and I don't want to trigger myself again.
I am keeping busy by doing a LOT of crochet and trying to learn more crafts to keep my hands and brain busy although most of the time my mind isn't with me. I blank out but I've been told that's normal when you are grieving for your children.
I have called for come help but my phone company completely mucked up so I don't know if they have returned my phone call! now thanks to our phone company I have to try and find the strength to call back and ask for help which is very hard.
My earth children are the other reason I am still standing (like I've said before) it feels so hard to look after them sometimes when I have a really bad day as they seem like they are behaving really badly but they aren't (so I am told)
I look after then well, they are always feed, clean and warm but i find myself very stressed out and upset with them!
I feel so broken, crashed into tiny pieces.
Since we lost you Charlie we have had two miscarriages. We aren't sure what to do any more.
All we ever wanted was a large family and I feel like being who I am and how I am made up I have let everyone down.
Our 2 year old keeps asking for a baby an asking for Charlie. What do you say to someone so young why you can't give them what they want!
Things aren't getting easier like I thought it would. Most of the time I feel like I cant breath like something heavy is on my chest and someone keeps pushing it down at the worst times!
I had a panic attack the other day over something most people don't ever bat a eyelid over. I never used to pay attention to it before. I can't bring myself to say what it was at its really hard for me and I don't want to trigger myself again.
I am keeping busy by doing a LOT of crochet and trying to learn more crafts to keep my hands and brain busy although most of the time my mind isn't with me. I blank out but I've been told that's normal when you are grieving for your children.
I have called for come help but my phone company completely mucked up so I don't know if they have returned my phone call! now thanks to our phone company I have to try and find the strength to call back and ask for help which is very hard.
My earth children are the other reason I am still standing (like I've said before) it feels so hard to look after them sometimes when I have a really bad day as they seem like they are behaving really badly but they aren't (so I am told)
I look after then well, they are always feed, clean and warm but i find myself very stressed out and upset with them!
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