So I know this sounds stupid but I'm currently sat waiting to be fitted into some new clothes as my shape has changed so much once having children and losing Charlie.
I feel like I can't cope right now. That I just want so scream I shouldn't be here. I should be cuddling my Month old baby isn't of 4 months down the line of grieve and pain.
I hate this. I hate this life
I get called in and the lady ask what I would like. I bust into tears trying to explain why I wanted to find out my size so I could look better hoping I could feel better after losing my baby in May. She was lovely. So kind and caring. I got my sizes and had to leave fast as I couldn't cope in there. I feel really bad but I just couldn't stay there anymore and I have to think about my mental state over spending money.
Tomorrow I will be going to talk to mind if I can get the strength to go there and talk to someone.
I find it so hard to talk to anyone about what happened. About how I feel. About the pain Iam in. The pain I'll forever have to carry.
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