A little advice

I thought I would write a little about what to say and do for a family who's just lost their child and things NOT to say to them.
I understand if you haven't been though this awful life changing event you don't know what's for the best!
So I asked a group of mummys who's been though this themselves and this is what I have been told.

Things to do:
Silent hugs. Sometimes words are to much, we don't know what to say and you don't know what to say to us.

Bring us food.  chocolate, wine or tea. We most of the time don't have the strength to feed ourselves so bring us treats and don't judge if we only pick at it. Its hard to even breath.

Give us time. This pain will never go away so if we need you in 1 weeks time or 5 years time just be there. Listen and give us hugs. Loads of hugs.

What not to do:

Don't tell us we can have more children. We don't WANT a baby. We want the baby we lost. We want them back forever but we can't have that. 

Any lost is a lost. It doesn't natter matter if we were 5 weeks pregnant, at our due date or our baby was born. It was our baby and always will be. 

Don't say we are young and it won't happen again. That doesn't matter to us. Age is nothing. It could happen again, you never know and it could happen again. You wouldn't believe how many people lose more than one child.

'Coz wanted his angel back'  no matter how religious We are we don't care what God wanted. Our baby died and that's not meant to happen. The best place for our baby is in our arms and that was robbed from us.

'Isn't it time to move on?' No it's not (add a few rude words.) If it was some other members of our family you wouldn't say that so why say it as it was our baby. The baby we always wanted.

Don't more our babies stuff. Yes our baby passed away but please leave their stuff alone. We will sort it when we are ready. We don't want their stuff to disappear, we don't want them to disappear, we want to remember them so we will sort their stuff out and keep what we need.

'Its ok you have other children'  yes we might but that doesn't matter. We were meant to be welcoming a baby. A new life in to our life's and that was taken away.  Please think about which child of yours you would like to never see again. I guess your thinking NONE. Right? Then you have a small idea what it is like. To think you might never see your child again.

'Don't try again yet, wait for the tests to come back, you never know you might not be able to carry babies'  this one shocked me when I read it. Most of the time stillbirth is a one of thing (not always but sometimes)  so why not try abd give us some hope that one day we might have a rainbow baby and have some happiness in the darkness.

I really hope that this helps people understand what to say in this dark time. I know it's hard for everyone involved but please thing before speaking.

Lots of love if your reading this because You or someone you know has lost a child.
To me it doesn't matter what stage of pregnancy or life it happened or why it happened. All I can say is I am so sorry for your lose.
Us angel families can all get though this together.

Thank you to the angel mummies that helped me with this post.